Yesterday was the first time I refused to let someone in my family spread false lies about me.
My grandfather had called me and woken me up. When he realized I had been sleeping, he tried to let me go, and he seemed reluctant to tell me what he’d called for, even when I told him to just go ahead and tell me. Finally I got hit with this little gem:
“Yo momma called and told me that she said you hadn’t been callin her. Now I’ma just tell you this – don’t never be so disgusted to the point where you don’t call yo momma–”
I don’t even have the patience to write out all the ridiculousness that happened in the space of the half hour I called my mother and my grandfather trying to clear up this mess. But for memory’s sake, here are some of the things my mother said when I confronted her about this:
I knew you had called grandpa a couple times, but not me.
So?? What, because I call one person, that makes me obligated to call YOU as well? I didn’t have other members of the family bitching and moaning about how I hadn’t called them. And you have my number; if it’s so important to you, why didn’t you call me??
You normally call me every day.
…no, I do NOT. This is simply a straight up lie. And I know it is for three reasons: 1) the only person I’ve EVER called every single day is my fiance; 2) some days I call you, three times, and you don’t even answer the phone; and 3) I can go through my call history and I simply have NOT called you every day. Ever. That is just NOT the kind of relationship we have.
I usually talk to you every morning.
Again, lies. You know why? Because my mornings are reserved for my fiance, who I DO actually call every morning.
Well… I FELT like you called me every day…
Yeah. That’s fucking right. THIS is the answer we got to after me telling her, over and over, that what she was saying was simply not true. “Oh, well I felt like that’s the way things were…” Yeah, that’s all well and good, until you go around trying to pass your feelings off as FACT and end up having it all blow back on me because of it.
Well maybe it’s just a difference in opinion.
UM, NO, IT’S CLEARLY A DIFFERENCE IN FACT.
In the end I called my grandfather back and told him what happened. He was like, “I thought you might not have called her cuz you was disgusted or something.” I’m so sick of them expecting me to be the same person I was back in high school. Like, I know it’s hard for them to really see “me” because I was away at college for four years and then immediately moved 7,000 miles away to the other side of the world, but come on. My grandmother was surprised when I said goodbye to one of the Trifecta who made my engagement hell! It’s like, who do you people think I am??
My grandfather apologized to me for jumping the gun, and I called my mother back and apologized to her – because I didn’t want to give her any ammunition to start more stuff, to be goin around sayin shit like, “Oh, well JZ’s accusing me of starting shit…”
And it hurts, because I still didn’t get an apology from her for starting this shit in the first place. She can’t even admit she had anything to do with it. “Oh, well I didn’t say those exact words…” That’s her favorite excuse. No matter how many times I tell her that your tone and other means of nonverbal communication sometimes convey more than any word you could ever say. But she loves to just deny, deny, deny.