My mother said this to me last week, when I was adamant about being done with all that shit.
We were sitting on the sofa at her new apartment, and she was complaining as usual about the state of her life and how she always seems to be the center of any family drama.
But you know? I think she likes it.
She’d have to. It’s a classic narcissistic trait, is it not? To think that the whole world revolves around you?
Of course you’re going to be at the center of any drama. Because if there isn’t any, you’ll make some shit up to make it all about you.
So my mother, who believes that we are One And The Same Person, was lamenting about how “there’s always drama in the family,” and I made the mistake of engaging her in that conversation.
“Yeah, y’all keep up a lot of drama,” was my response. I was proud of myself for being able to distance myself in that way – saying “y’all” instead of “we” effectively removed me from the drama-causing cauldron.
Mother, of course, couldn’t have it that way.
“Oh, you cause your fair share of drama, too.”
Oh really? I asked.
“Yeah,” she replied so matter-of-factly, and went on to describe how it was so dramatic last year when I decided to get engaged without my family’s permission.
And that… was the only thing she could come up with.
In the eleven months since then, I’ve done not one thing that could be considered “dramatic.” (At least, nothing that involved my family in any way. TM and I have had our own fair share of drama…)
And yet, mother is still holding on to that one event, in the hopes of proving that I am just like her in causing dramatic upheavals in our family unit.
Despite the fact that SHE is the one who got pregnant out of wedlock, yet again.
Despite the fact that SHE was in the hospital with preeclampsia and spiked blood pressure.
Despite the fact that SHE gave birth to yet another premature girl she’s unable to love
Despite the fact that SHE is continuously going back and forth with this man who will never ever commit to her
The only “dramatic” thing I’ve done in the last year is get engaged… and that is enough to warrant my mother telling me that I’ll cause my fair share of family drama.
I’m sure that I will have my own “drama” in life – everyone does. But I don’t think that’s what my mother was going for here.
I think she was more along the lines of, “I’m stirring shit up now, but you’ll stir shit up, too, because that’s just what we do.”
And no matter how many times I told her no, that that’s not who I was, that I’m not about that life, she just denied everything I said and adamantly pushed for her view.
To the point where she said, “Uh… yeah, you will cause drama. So, anyway!”
…and proceeded to change the subject.
This blog is my way to break free of that toxin. To remove myself from my family, to process my thoughts and feelings of guilt so that I can make a clean break, and have a happy, healthy family of my own.
One that’s drama-free.